The
Schoole
of Abuse
Stephen Gosson
Note on the etext: this Renascence
Editions text was transcribed by Risa S.
Bear, July 2000, from the Arber edition of 1895. Any errors
that have crept in are the fault of the present publisher. The text is
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Publisher.
THE
Schoole of
Abuse,
Conteining a plesaunt in-
uective against Poets, Pipers,
Plaiers, Iesters and such like
Caterpillers of a
commonwealth;
Setting vp the Flagge of
Defiance
to their
mischieuous exercise, and
ouerthrow-
ing their Bulwarkes, by
Prophane
Writers, Naturall reason,
and
common experience:
A discourse as pleasaunt
for
Gentlemen
that
fauour lear-
ning, as profitable for all
that
wyll
follow vertue.
By Stephen Gosson.
Stud. Oxon.
Tuscul. I.
Mandare literis
cogitationes,
nec delectatione a-
liqua allicere Lectorem,
hominis
est in-
temperanter abutentis, et
otio,
et literis.
Printed at London,
for Thomas
VVoodcocke, 1579.
¶To
the right
noble
Gentleman, Master Philip Sidney
Esquier, Stephen Gosson
wisheth
health
of body, wealth of minde,
rewarde
of vertue, aduancement of
honour,
and goood successe in godly
affairs.
Aligula
lying in Fraunce with a greate armie of fighting menne, brought all his
force, on a sudden to the Sea side, as though hee intended to cutte
ouer,
and inuade Englade: when he came to the shore, his Souldiers were
presently
set in araye, him selfe shipped in a small barke, weyed Ancors, and
lanched
out; he had not played long in the sea, vvafting too and fro, at his
pleasure,
but he returned agayne, stroke sayle, gaue allarme to his souldiers in
token of battaile, and charged euerie man too gather cockles. I knowe
not
(right worshipfull) whether my selfe be as frantike as Caligula in my
proceedings,
because that after I haue set out the flag of defiance to some abuses,
I may seeme well ynough too strike vp the drumme, and bring all my
power
to a vaine skirmishe. The title of my book doth promise much, the
volume
you see is very little: and sithens I can not beare out my follie by
authoritie,
like an Emperour; I will craue pardon for my Phrenzie, by submission,
as
your woorshippes too commaunde. The Schoole which I builde, is narrowe,
and at the first blushe appeareth but a doggehole; yet small Cloudes
carie
water; slender threedes sowe sure stiches; little heares haue their
shadowes;
blunt stones whette kniues; from hard rockes, flow soft springes; the
whole
worlde is drawen in a mappe; Homers Iliades in a nutte shell; a Kings
picture
in a pennie; Little Chestes may holde greate Treasure; a fewe Cyphers
contayne
the substance of a rich Merchant; The shortest Pamphlette may shrowde
matter;
The hardest heade may giue light; and the harshest penne maye sette
downe
somewhat woorth the reading.
Hee that
hath
bin shooke with a fierce ague, giueth good counsell to his friends when
he is wel: When Ouid had roaued long on the Seas of wantonnesse, hee
became
a good Pilot to all that followed, and printed a carde of euerie
daunger:
and I perswade my selfe, that seeing the abuses which I reueale, trying
them thorowly to my hurt, and bearing the stench of them yet in my owne
nose; I may best make the frame, found the schoole, and reade the first
lecture of all my selfe, too warne euery man to auoyde the perill.
Wherein
I am contrary to Simonides, for hee was euer slowe to utter, and swift
to conceale, beeing more sorrowefull, that he had spoken, then that hee
had held his peace. But I accuse my selfe of discourtesie too my
friendes,
in keeping these abuses so long secret, and nowe thinke my duetie
discharged
in layinge them open.
A good
Phisition
when the disease cannot be cured within, thrusteth the corruption out
in
the face, and deliuereth his Patient to the Chirurgion: Though my skill
in Physicke bee small, I haue some experience in these maladyes, which
I thrust out with my penne too euery mans viewe, yeelding the ranke
fleshe
to the Chirugions knife, and so ridde my handes of the cure, for it
passeth
my cunning too heale them priuily.
If your
Worshippe
vouchsafe to enter the Schoole doore, and walke an hower or twaine
within
for your pleasure, you shall see what I teach, which presente my
Schoole,my
cunning, and my selfe to your worthy Patronage. Beseeching you, though
I bidde you to Dinner, not to looke for a feaste fit for the curious
taste
of a perfect Courtier: but too imitate Philip of Macedon, who beeing
inuited
to a Farmers house, when hee came from Hunting, brought a greater
trayne
than the poore man looked for: When they were sette, the good Philip
perceiuing
his Hoste sorowfull, for want of meate to satisfie so many, exhorted
his
friends to keepe their stomackes for the seconde course: whereupon
euery
man fedde modestly on that whiche stoode before him, and lefte meate
inough
at the taking vppe of the table. And I trust if your Worshippe feede
sparingly
on this, (too comforte your poore Hoste) in hope of a better course
heereafter,
though the Dishes be fewe, that I set before you, they shall for this
time
suffice your selfe and a great many moe.
Your worshippes
to
commaund. Stephan Gosson.
To the
Reader.
Entlemen,
and others, you may wel thinke that I sell my corne, and eate Chaffe;
barter
my wine, and drinke Water; sith I take vpon mee to driue you from
Playes,
when mine owne woorkes are dayly to be seene vpon stages, as sufficient
witnesses of mine owne folly, and seuer Iudges againste my selfe. But
if
you sawe how many teares of sorrowe mine eyes shed, when I beholde
them;
or how many drops of blood my heart sweates, when I remember them; you
would not so much blame me for missespending my time, when I knew not
what
I did; as commend mee at the laste, for recouering my steppes, with
grauer
counsell. After-wittes are euer best, burnt Children dread the fire. I
haue seene that which you behold, and I shun that which you frequent.
And
that I might the easier pull your mindes from such studyes, drawe your
feete from such places; I haue sente you a Schoole of those abuses,
which
I haue gathered by obseruation.
Theodorus
the Atheist complayned, that his schollers were woont, how plaine
soeuer
he spake, to misconster him; howe right soeuer he wrote, to wrest him:
And I looke for some such Auditors in my Schoole, as of rancour will
hit
me, how soeuer I warde; or of stomacke assayle mee, howe soeuver I bee
garded; making black of white, Chalk of Cheese, the full Moone of a
messe
of Cruddes. These are such as with curst Curres barke at euery man but
their owne friendes: these snatch vp bones in open streetes, and byte
them
with madnesse in secrete corners: these with sharpe windes, pearce
subtiler
in narrowe lanes then in large fieldes. And sith there is neither
authoritie
in me to bridle their tongues, nor reason in them to rule their owne
talke;
I am contented to suffer them their taunts; requesting you which are
Gentlemen,
of curtesie to beare with me, and because you are learned amende the
faultes
freendly, which escape the Presse: The ignoraunt I knowe will swallow
them
downe, and digest them with ease. Farewel.
Yours
Stephan
Gosson.
¶ The
Schoole
of Abuse.
HE Syracusans
vsed such varietie of dishes in theyr banquets, that when they were
sette,
and their boordes furnished, they were many times in doubt, which they
shoulde touth first, or taste last. And in my opinion the world giueth
euery writer so large a field to walke in, that before he set penne to
the booke, he shall find him selfe feasted at Syracusa,
vncertaine
where to begin, or when to end. This caused Pindarus too
question
with his Muse, whether he were better with his art to discifer the life
of ye Nimp[h]e Melia, or Cadmus encounter
with
the Dragon, or the warres of Hercules, at the walles of
Thebes,
or Bacchus cuppes, or Venus iugling. Hee sawe so many
turninges
layde open to his feete, that hee knewe not which way to bende his pace.
Therefore
as
I cannot but commende his wisedome, which in banqueting feedes most
vpon
that, that doth nourish best; so must I disprayse his methode in
writing,
which following the course of amarous Poets, dwelleth longest in those
pointes, that profite least; and like a wanton whelpe, leaueth the
game,
to runne riot. The Scarabe flies ouer many a sweete flower, and
lightes in a cowshard : It is the custome of the flye to leaue the
sound
places of the Horse, and suck at the Botch: The nature of Colloquintida,
to draw the worst humours too it selfe : The maner of swine, to forsake
the fayre fieldes, and wallow in the myre : And the whole practise of
Poets,
eyther with fables to shew theyr abuses, or with plaine tearmes to
vnfolde
theyr mischiefe, discouer theyr shame, discredit them selues, and
disperse
their poyson through all the worlde. Virgill sweates in
describyng
his Gnat: Ouid bestirreth him to paint out his Flea : the one
shewes
his art in the lust of Dido, the other his cunning in the
inceste
of Myrrha, and that trumpet of Baudrie, the Craft of loue.
I must
confesse
that Poets are the whetstones of wit, notwithstanding that wit is
dearly
bought : where hony and gall are mixed, it will be hard to seuer the
one
from the other[.] The deceitfull Phisition giueth sweete Syrropes to
make
his poyson goe downe the smoother: The Iuggler casteth a myst to worke
the closer: The Syrens song is the Saylers wrack: The Fowlers
whistle,
the birdes death : The wholesome bayte, the fishes bane: The Harpies
haue
Virgins faces, and vultures Talentes: Hyena speakes like a
friend,
and deuoures like a Foe: The calmest Seas hide dangerous Rockes: the
Woolf
iettes in Weathers felles: Many good sentences are spoken by Danus,
to shadowe his knauery: and written by Poets, as ornaments to beautifye
their woorkes, and sette theyr trumperie too sale without suspect.
But if you
looke
well too Epæus horse, you shall finde in his bowels the
destruction
of Troy: open the sepulchre of Semyramis, whose Title
promiseth
suche wealth to the Kinges of Persia, you shall see nothing but
deade bones : Rippe vp the golden Ball, that Nero consecrated
to Iupiter Capitollinus, you shall haue it stuffed with the
shauinges
of his Beard: pul off the visard that Poets maske in, you shall
disclose
their reproch, bewray their vanitie, loth their wantonnesse, lament
their
follie, and perceiue their sharpe sayings to be placed as Pearles in
Dunghils,
fresh pictures on rotten walles, chaste Matrons apparel on common
Curtesans.
These are the Cuppes of Circes, that turne reasonable creatures
into brute Beastes, the balles of Hippomenes, that hinder the
course
of Atalanta; and the blocks of the Diuel that are cast in our
wayes,
to cut off the rase of toward wittes. No marueyle though Plato
shut
them out of his schoole, and banished them quite from his common
wealth,
as effeminate writers, vnprofitable members, and vtter enimies to
vertue.
The Romans
were verie desirous to imitate the Greekes, and yet verie loth
to
receiue their Poets: insomuch that Cato layth it in the dishe
of Marcus the noble as a foule reproche, that in the time of
his Consulshippe,
hee brought Ennius the Poet into his prouince. Tullie
accustomed
to read them with great diligence in his youth, but when hee waxed
grauer
in studie, elder in yeares, riper in iudgement, hee accompted them the
fathers of lyes, Pipes of vanitie, and Schooles of Abuse.
Tusc.
1.2.
A
desperate conflict.
|
Maximus Tyrius taketh
vppon him
to defend the discipline of these Doctors vnder the name of Homer,
wresting the rashnes of Aiax, to valour; the cowardice of Vlisses,
to Policie; the dotage of Nestor, to graue counsell, and the
battaile
of Troy, too the woonderfull conflict of the foure Elementes:
where Iuno which is counted the ayre, settes in her foote to
take vp the
strife, and steps boldly betwixt them to part the fray. It is a Pageant
woorth the sight, to beholde how he labors with Mountaines to bring
foorth
Mise; much like to some of those Players, that come to the scaffold
with
Drum and Trumpet to profer skirmishe, and when they haue sounded
Allarme,
off go the peeces to encounter a shadow, or conquer a Paper monster.
You
will smile I am sure if you read it, to see how this morall Philosopher
toyles too draw the Lyons skin vpon Æsops Asse. Hercules
shoes on a childes feete, amplifying that which the more it is stirred,
the more it stinkes; the lesse it is talked of, the better it is liked;
and as waywarde children, the more they bee flattered, the worse they
are;
or as curst sores with often touching waxe angry, and run the longer
without
healing. He attributeth the beginning of vertue to Minerva, of
friendship
to Venus, and the roote of all handy crafts to Vulcan;
but
if he had broke his arme aswel as his legge, when he fel out of heauen
into Lemnos, either Apollo must haue played the
Bonesetter,
or euery occupation beene laide a water. Plato when he sawe the
doctrine
of these Teachers, neither for profite,
necessary, nor to be wished
for pleasure,
gaue them all Drummes entertainment, not suffering them once to shew
their
faces in a reformed common wealth. And the Tyrius that layes
such
a foundation for Poets, in the name of Homer, ouerthrows his
whole
building in the person of Mithecus, which was an excellent
Cooke
among the Greekes, and asmuch honored for his confections, as Phidias
for his caruing. But when he came to Sparta, thinking there for
his cunning to be accounted a God, the good lawes of Licurgus,
and
custom of the country were to hot for his diet. The gouernours banished
him and his art, and al the inhabitants folowing the steppes of their
Predecessors,
vsed not with dainties to prouoke appetite, but with labour and trauell
too whette their stomackes to their meate.
Poetes
and Cookes compared togither. |
I may well liken Homer
to Mithecus, and Poetes to Cookes the pleasures of the one
winnes the
body from labor, and conquereth the sense; the allurement of the other
drawes the mind from vertue, and confoundeth wit. As in euery perfect
common
wealth there ought to be good lawes established, right mainteined,
wrong
repressed, vertue rewarded, vice punished, and all maner of abuses
thoroughly
purged: So ought there such schooles for the furtherance of the same to
be aduaunced, that young men may bee taught that in greene yeeres, that
becomes them to practise in gray haires.
Anacharsis
beeing demaunded of a Greeke, whether they
Poetrie
in Scythia without vice, as the Phoenix in Arabia,
without a fellow. |
had not instrumentes of
Musicke, or
Schooles of Poetrie in Scythia, answered, yes, and that without
vice, as though it were either impossible, or incredible, that no abuse
should be learned where such lessons are taught, and such schooles
mainteined.
Salust
in describing the nurture of Sempronia, commendeth her witte in
that shee coulde frame her selfe to all companies, too talke discretely
with wyse men, and vaynely with wantons, taking a quip ere it came too
grounde, and returning it back without a faulte. She was taught (saith
he) both Greek and Latine, she could versifie, sing, and daunce, better
then became an honest woman. Sappho was skilfull in Poetrie and
sung wel, but she was whorish. I set not this downe too condemne the
giftes
of versifying, daunsing
Qualities
allowed in women. |
or singyng in women, so they
bee vsed
with meane, and exercised in due tyme. But to shew you that as by Anacharsis
report the Scythians did it without offence: so one Swalowe
bringes
not Sommer; nor one particular example sufficient proofe for a generall
precept. Whyte siluer, drawes a blacke lyne; Fyre is as hurtfull, as
healthie;
water as daungerous, as it is commodious; and these qualities as harde
to bee wel vsed when we haue them, as they are to be learned before wee
get them. Hee that goes to Sea, must smel of the Ship; and that sayles
into Poets wil sauour of Pitch.
C.
Marius
in the assembly of the whole Senate at Rome, in a somlemne
oration,
giueth an account of his bringing vp: he sheweth that he hath beene
taught
to lye on the ground, to suffer all weathers, to leade men, to strike
his
foe, to feare nothing but an euill name: and chalengeth praise vnto him
selfe, in that hee neuer learned the Greeke tongue, neither ment to be
instructed in it heerafter, either that he thought it too farre a
iourney
to fetche learning beyonde the fielde, or because he doubted the abuses
of those Schooles, where Poets were euer the head Maisters.
Poets chiefe
Maisters in Greece.
Poets
banished
from Rome.
Dion
in vita Neronis.
|
Tiberius the Emperour
sawe somewhat,
when he iudged Scaurus to death for writing a Tragidie: Augustus,
banished Ouid: And Nero when he charged Lucan,
to
put vp his pipes, to stay his penne and write no more. Burrus
and Seneca the schoolemaisters of Nero are flowted and
hated
of the people, for teaching their Scholer the song of Attis.
For Dion saith, that the hearing thereof wroonge laughter and
teares
from most of those that were then about him. Wherby I iudge that they
scorned
the folly of the teachers, and lamented the frenzie of the Scholer, who
beeing Emperour of Rome, and bearing the weight of the whole
common
wealth vppon his shoulders, was easier to bee drawen to vanitie by
wanton
Poets, then to good gouernment by the fatherly counsell of graue
Senators.
They were condemned to dye by the lawes of the Heathens, which
inchaunted
the graine in other mens grounds: and are not they accursed thinke you
by the mouth of God, which hauing the gouernment of young Princes, with
Poeticall fantasies draw them to the schooles of their owne abuses,
bewitching
the graine in the green blade, that was sowed for the sustenance of
many
thousands, and poisoning the spring with their amorous layes, whence
the
whole common wealth should fetch water? But to leaue the scepter to Iupiter,
and instructing of Princes to Plutarch andXenophon, I
will
beare a lowe sayle, and rowe neere the shore, least I chaunce to bee
carried
beyonde my reache, or runne a grounde in those Coasts which I neuer
knewe.
My onely endeuour shalbe to show you that in a rough cast, which I see
in a cloude, loking through my fingers.
And because
I
haue bene matriculated my selfe in the schoole where so many abuses
florish,
I wil imitate ye dogs of Ægypt, which comming to the
bancks
of Nylus too quenche their thirste, syp and away, drinke
running,
lest they bee snapt short for a pray too Crocodiles. I shoulde tel
tales
out of the Schoole, and bee Ferruled for my faulte, or hyssed at for a
blab, yf I layde al the orders open before your eyes. You are no sooner
entred, but libertie looseth the reynes, and geues you head, placing
you
with Poetrie in the lowest forme: when his skill is showne too make his
Scholer as good as euer twangde, hee preferres you too Pyping, from
Pyping
to playing, from play to pleasure, from pleasure to slouth, from slouth
to sleepe, from sleepe to sinne, from sinne to death, from death to the
deuill, if you take your learning apace, and passe through euery forme
without reuolting. Looke not too haue mee discourse these at large, the
Crocodile watcheth to take me tardie, which soeuer of them I touche, is
a vyle: Trype and goe, for I dare not tarry.
Heraclides
accounteth Amphyon the ringleader of poets and Pypers: Delphus
Philammones penned the birth of Latona, Diana and Apollo
in verse; and taught the people to Pype and Daunce rounde about the
temple
of Delphos. Hesiodus was as cunning in Pyping, as in Poetrie:
so
was Terpandrus, and after him Clonas. Apollo which is
honoured
of Poets as the God of their Art, had at the one side of his Idol in Delos
a bowe, and at the other, the three Graces with three sundrie
instruments,
of which one was a pype, and some writers affirme that he pyped
himselfe
now and than.
Poetrie and
pyping,
haue allwaies bene so vnited togither, that til the time of Melanippides,
Pipers were Poets
hyerlings. But marke I pray
you, how
they are now both abused.
The right
vse
of auncient Poetrie was too haue the notable exploytes of woorthy
Captaines,
the holesome councels of good fathers, and vertuous liues of
predecessors
set downe in numbers, and song to the Instrument at solemne feastes,
that
the sound of the one might draw the hearers from kissing the cupp too
often;
the sense of the other put them in minde of things past, and chaulk out
the way to do the like. After this manner were the Boeotians
trained
from rudenesse to ciuilitie, The Lacedemonians instructed by Terteæus
verse, The Argiues by the melody of Telesilla, And the Lesbians
by Alcæus Odes.
To this end
are
instruments vsed in battaile, not to tickle the eare, but too teach
euery
souldier when to strike and when to stay, when to flye, and when to
followe.
Chiron by singing to
his instrument,
quencheth Achiles furye; Terpandrus with his notes,
layeth
the tempest, and pacifies the tumult at Lacedæmon: Homer
with
his Musicke cured the sick Souldiers in the Grecians campe, and
purged euery mans Tent of the Plague. Thinke you that those miracles
coulde
be wrought with playing of Daunces, Dumpes, Pauins, Galiardes, Measures
Fancyes, or new streynes? They neuer came wher this grewe, nor knew
what
it ment.
Pythagoras
bequeathes them a Clokebagge, and condemnes them for fooles, that iudge
Musicke by sounde and eare. If you will bee good Scholars, and profite
well in the Arte of Musicke, shutte your Fidels in their cases, and
looke
vp to heauen: the order of the Spheres, the vnfallible motion of the
Planets,
the iuste course of the yeere, and varietie of seasons, the concorde of
the Elementes and their qualyties, Fyre, Water, Ayre, Earth, Heate,
Colde,
Moysture and Drought concurring togeather to the constitution of
earthly
bodies and sustenance of euery creature.
The
politike
Lawes in well gouerned common wealthes, that treade downe
the prowde, and vpholde the
meeke, the
loue of the King and his subiectes, the Father and his childe, the Lord
and his Slaue, the Maister and his Man, The Trophees and Triumphes
of our auncestours, which pursued vertue at the harde heeles, and
shunned
vyce as a rocke for feare of shipwracke, are excellent maisters too
shewe
you that this is right Musicke, this perfecte harmony. Chiron
when
hee appeased the wrath of Achilles, tolde him the duetie of a
good
souldier, repeated the vertues of his father Peleus, and sung
the
famous enterprises of noble men. Terpandrus when he ended the
brabbles
at Lacedæmon, neyther pyped Rogero nor Turkeloy,
but reckoning vp the commodities of friendship, and fruites
of debate,
putting them in mind of Lycurgus lawes, taught them too treade
a
better measure. When Homers Musicke droue the pestilence from
the Grecians camp, there was no such vertue in his penne, nor
in his
pipe, but if I might bee vmpier, in the sweet harmony of diuerse
natures
and wonderful concord of sundry medicines. For Appoloes cunning
extendeth it self aswel to Phisick, as musick or Poetrie. And Plutarch
reporteth that as Chiron was a wise man, a learned Poet, a
skilful
Musition, so was hee also a teacher of iustice, by shewing what Princes
ought to doe, and a Reader of Phisicke, by opening the natures of many
simples. If you enquire howe manie such Poetes and Pipers wee haue in
our
Age, I am perswaded that euerie one of them may creepe through a ring,
or daunce the wilde Morice in a Needles eye. We haue infinite Poets,
and
Pipers, and suche peeuish cattel among vs in Englande, that liue by
merrie
begging, mainteyned by almes, and priuily encroch vppon euerie mans
purse.
But if they that are in authoritie, and haue the sworde in their handes
to cut off abuses, shoulde call an accompt to see how many Chirons,
Terpandri, and Homers are heere, they might cast the summe
without
pen, or counters, and sit downe with Racha, to weepe for her
Children,
because they were not. He that compareth our instruments, with those
that
were vsed in ancient times, shall see them agree like Dogges and
Cattes,
and meete as iump as Germans lippes. Terpandrus and Olimpus
vsed instruments of 7. strings. And Plutarch is of an opinion
that
the instruments of 3. strings, which were vsed before their time,
passed
al that haue followed since. It was an old law and long kept that no
man
should according to his owne humor, adde or diminish, in matters
concerning
that Art, but walk in the pathes of their predecessors. But when
newfangled Phrynis
becam a fiddler, being somwhat curious in carping, and searching for
moats
with a pair of blearde eies, thought to amend his maisters, and marred
al. Timotheus a bird of the same broode, and a right hound of
the
same Hare, toke the 7. stringed harp, that was altogether vsed in Terpandrus
time, and increaced the number of the strings at his owne pleasure. The
Argiues appointed by their lawes great punishments for
such as placed
aboue 7. strings vpon any instrument. Pythagoras commaunded
that
no Musition should go beyond his Diapason. Were the Argiues
and Pythagoras nowe aliue, and saw how many frets, how many
stringes,
how many stops, how many keyes, how many cliffes, how many moodes, how
many flats, how many sharps, how many rules, how many spaces, how many
noates, how many restes, how many querks, how many corners, what
chopping,
what changing, what tossing, what turning, what wresting and wringing
is
among our Musitions, I beleue verily, that they would cry out with the
countryman: Heu quòd tam pingui macer est mihi taurus in
aruo.
Alas here is fat feeding, and leane beasts: or as one said at the
shearing
of hogs, great cry and litle wool, much adoe, and smal help. To shew ye
abuses of these vnthrifty scholers that despise ye good
rules
of their ancient masters and run to the shop of their owne deuises,
defacing
olde stampes, forging newe Printes, and coining strange precepts, Phoercrates
a Comicall Poet, bringeth in Musicke and Iustice vpon the stage:
Musicke
with her clothes tottered, her fleshe torne, her face deformed, her
whole
bodie mangled and dismembred: Iustice, viewing her well, and pitying
her
case, questioneth with her howe shee came in that plight: to whom
Musick
replyes, that Melanippides, Phrynis, Timotheus, and such
fantasticall
heades, haue so disfiguered her lookes, defaced her beautie, so hacked
her,
and hewed her, and with manye
stringes,
geuen her so many woundes, that she is striken to death, in daunger to
peryshe, and present in place the least part of her selfe. When the Sicilians,
and Dores forsooke the playnsong that they had learned of their
auncestours in the Mountaynes, and practiced long among theyr heardes,
they founde out such descant in Sybaris instrumentes, that by
dauncing
and skipping the fel into lewdnesse of life. Neither staied these
abuses
in the compasse of that countrey : but like vnto yll weedes in time
spread
so far, that they choked the good grayne in euery place.
For as Poetrie
and
Piping are Cosen germans: so piping, and playing are of great affinity,
and all three chayned in linkes of abuse.
Plutarch
complaineth,
that ignorant men, not knowing the maiestie of auncient musick, abuse
both
the eares of the people, and the Arte it selfe: with bringing sweete
comfortes
into Theaters, which rather effeminate the minde, as pricks vnto vice,
then procure amendement of manners, as spurres to vertue. Ouid
the
high martial of Venus fielde planteth his maine battell in
publique
assemblies, sendeth out his scoutes too Theaters to descry the enimie,
and in steede of vaunte Curriers, with instruments of musicke, playing,
singing, and dauncing, geues the first charge. Maximus Tyrius
holdeth
it for a Maxime that the bringing of instruments to Theaters and
plaies,
was the first cup that poisoned the commen wealth. They that are borne
in Seriphos, and cockered continually in those Islandes, where
they
see nothing but Foxes and Hares, wil neuer be persuaded that there are
huger beastes: They that neuer went out of the champions in Brabant,
will hardly conceiue what rockes are in Germany. And they that neuer
goe
out of their houses, for regard of thier credit, nor steppe from the
vniuersitye
for loue of knowledge, seeing but slender offences and small abuses
within
their owne walles, wil neuer beleeue yt such rockes are
abrode,
nor such horrible monsters in playing places. But as (I speake the one
to my comforte, the other to my shame, and remember both with a
sorrowfull
hart) I was first instructed in the vniuersity, after drawne like a
nouice
to these abuses: so will I shew you what I see, and informe you what I
reade of such affaires. Ouid sayth, that Romulus builte
his
Theater as a horse faire for hores, made Triumphes, and set out playes
to gather the fayre women togither, that euery one of his souldiers
might
take where he liked, a snatch of his share: wherevpon the Amarous
Scholemaister
bursteth out in these words:
Romule, militibus solus
dare
præmia nosti:
Hæc mihi si dederis
commoda,
miles ero.
Thou Romulus
alone knowest
how thy souldiers to rewarde:
Graunt me the like, my selfe
will
be attendant on thy garde.
It should seeme
that the abuse of such places was so great, that for any chaste liuer
to
haunt them was a black swan, and a white crowe. Dion so
straightly
forbiddeth the auncient families of Rome and gentlewomen that tender
their
name and honor, to come to Theaters, and rebuks them so sharply, when
he
takes them napping, that if they be but once seene there, hee iudgeth
it
sufficient cause to speake il of them and thinke worse. The shadowe of
a knaue hurts an honest man: the sent of the stewes a sober matron: and
the shew of Theaters a simple gaser. Clitomachus the wrestler
geuen
altogether to manly exercise, if hee had hearde any talke of loue, in
what
company soeuer he had bin, would forsake his seat, and bid them
adue.
Lacon
when he
sawe the Atheniens studie so muche to set out Playes, sayde
they
were madde. If men for good exercise, and women for theyr credite, be
shut
from Theaters, whom shall we suffer to goe thither? Litle children? Plutarch
with a caueat keepeth them out, not so much as admitting the litle
crackhalter
that carrieth his maisters pantouffles, to set foote within those
doores:
And alledgeth this reason, that those wanton spectacles of lyght
huswiues,
drawing gods from the heauens, and young men from them selues to
shipwracke
of honestie, will hurte them more, then if at the Epicures table, they
had nigh burnt their guts with ouer feeding. For if the body bee
ouercharged,
it may be holpe; but
the surfite of the soule is
hardly cured.
Here I doubte not but some Archplayer or other that hath read a litle,
or stumbled by chance vpon Plautus comedies, will cast me a
bone
or ii. to pick, yt whatsoeuer these ancient writers haue
spoken
against playes is to bee applied too the abuses on olde Comedies, where
Gods are broughte in, as Prisoners to beautie, rauishers of Virgins,
and
seruantes by loue, too earthly creatures. But the Comedies that are
exercised
in oure dais are better sifted. They shewe no such branne: The first
smelte
of Plautus, these tast of Menander; the lewdeness of
Gods,
is altered and chaunged to the loue of young men; force, to
friendshippe;
rapes, too mariage; wooing allowed by assurance of wedding; priuie
meetinges
of bachelours and maidens on the stage, not as murderers that deuour
the
good name ech of other in their mindes, but as those that desire to bee
made one in hearte. Nowe are the abuses of the worlde reuealed, euery
man
in a play may see his owne faultes, and learne by this glasse, to
amende
his manners. Curculio may chatte til his heart ake, ere any be
offended
with his gyrdes. Deformities are checked in ieast, and mated in
earnerst.
The sweetenesse of musicke, and pleasure of sportes, temper the
bitternesse
of rebukes, and mitigate the tartenesse of euery taunt according to
this
Omne vafer vitium redenti
Flaccus
amico
Narrat, et admissus circum
precordia
ludit.
Flaccus among his
friends,
with fanning Muse
Doth nip him neere, that
fostreth
foule abuse.
Therefore they are either so
blinde, that they cannot, or so blunt, that they
will not see why this exercise
should
not be suffered as a profitable recreation. For my parte I am neither
so
fonde a Phisition, nor so bad a Cooke, but I can allowe my patient a
cup
of wine to meales, although it be hotte; and pleasaunt sauces to driue
downe his meate, if his stomake bee queasie. Notwithstanding, if people
will be instructed, (God be thanked) wee haue Diuines enough to
discharge
that, and moe by a great many, then are well hearkened to: yet sith
these
abuses are growne too head, and sinne so rype, the number is lesse then
I would it were.
Euripides
holdes not him onely a foole, that beeing well at home, wil gad abrode,
that hath a Conduite within doore, and fetcheth water without: but all
suche beside, as haue sufficient in them selues, to make them selues
merry
with pleasaunte talke, tending too good, and mixed with
the Grecians glee, yet will they seeke when they neede not, to
be
sported abrode at playes and Pageauntes. Plutarch likeneth the
recreation
that is gotte by conference, too a pleasaunt banquet; the sweet pappe
of
the one sustaineth the body, the sauery doctrine of the other doth
nourish
the minde: and as in banquetting, the wayter standes ready too fill the
Cuppe: So in all our recreations we should haue an instructer at our
elbowes
to feede the soule. If wee gather Grapes among thistles, or seeke for
this
foode at Theaters, wee shall haue a harde pyttaunce, and come to shorte
commons. I cannot thinke that Cittie to be safe, that strikes downe
herPercollices,
rammes vp her gates, and suffereth the enimie to enter the posterne.
Neyther
will I be perswaded, that he is in any way likely to conquer affection,
which breaketh his instrumentes, burneth all his Poets, abandons his
haunt,
mufleth his eyes as he passeth the streate, and resortes too Theaters
too
bee assaulted. Cookes did neuer shewe mor crafte in their iunckets to
vanquish
the taste, nor Painters in shadowes to allure the eye, then Poets in
Theaters
to wounde the conscience.
There set
they
abroche straunge consortes of melody, to tickle the eare, costly
apparel,
to flatter the sight; effeminate gesture, to rauish the sence; and
wanton
speache, to whet desire too inordinate lust. Therefore of both
barrelles,
I iudge Cookes and Painters the better hearing, for the one extendeth
his
arte no farther then to the tongue, palate, and nose, the other to the
eye; and both are ended in outwarde sense, which is common too vs with
bruite beasts. But these by the priuie entries of the eare, slip downe
into the hart, and with gunshotte of affection gaule the minde, where
reason
and vertue should rule the roste. These people in Rome were as
pleasant
as Nectar at the first beginning, and cast out for lees, when
their
abuses were knowen. They whome Cæsar vpheld, were driuen
out
by Octauian: whom Caligula reclaimed, were cast of by Nero:
whom Nerua exalted, were throwne downe by Traian: whom Anthony
admitted, were expelled againe, pestred in Gallies and sent into Hellespont
by Marcus Aurelius. But when the whole rabble of Poets, Pipers,
Players, Iugglers, Iesters, and dauncers were receiued againe, Rome
was reported to bee fuller of fooles then of wise men. Domitian
suffered playing and dauncing so long in Theaters, that
Domitia
was the first wife of Domitian, and Messalina, the
second.
Dion.
|
Paris led the shaking
of sheetes
with Domitia and Mnester the Trenchmour with Messalina.
Caligula made so muche of Players and Dauncers, that hee
suffered
them openly to kysse his lyppes, when the Senators might scarce haue a
lick at his feete: He gaue Dauncers great stipends for selling their
hopps:
and placed Apelles the player by his own sweete side: Besides
that
you may see what excellent graue men were euer about him, he loued Prasinus
the Cochman so wel, that for good wil to the master, he bid his horse
to
supper, gaue him wine to drink in cups of estate, set barly graines of
golde before him to eate, and swore by no bugs, that hee would make him
a Consul: which thing (saith Dion) had bin performed, had he
not
bin preuented by suddain death. For as his life was abhominable, so was
his end miserable: Comming from dancing and playing, he was slaine by Chærea,
a iust rewarde, and a fit Catastrophe. I haue heard some Players vaunt
of the credit they had in Rome, but they are as foolish in
that,
as Vibius Rufus which bosted himself to be an Emperor
because
hee had sit in Cæsars chaire, and a perfect Orator,
because
he was marryed to Tullies widowe. Better might they say them
selues
to be murderers, because they haue represented the persons of Thyestes
and Atreus, Achilles and Hector: or perfect
Limme
lifters, for teaching the trickes of euery Strumpet. Such are the
abuses
that I reade of in Rome: such are the Caterpillers that haue
deuoured
and blasted the fruite of Ægypt: Such are the Dragons
that
are hurtful in Affricke: Such are the Adders that sting with
pleasure,
and kil with paine: and such are the Basiliskes of the world,
that
poyson, as well with the beame of their sighte, as with the breath of
their
mouth.
Maners
of England in olde time,
Olde
exercise of England.
New
England
|
Consider with
thy selfe (gentle Reader) the olde discipline of Englande, mark what we
were before, and what we are now: Leaue Rome a while, and cast
thine
eye backe to thy Predecessors, and tell mee howe wonderfully wee haue
beene
chaunged, since wee were schooled with these abuses. Dion
sayth,
that english men could suffer watching and labor, hunger and thirst,
and
beare of al stormes with hed and shoulders, they vsed slender weapons,
went naked, and were good soldiours, they fed vppon rootes and barkes
of
trees, they would stand vp to the chin many dayes in marishes without
victualles:
and they had a kind of sustenaunce in time of neede, of which if they
had
taken but the quantitie of a beane, or the weight of a pease, they did
neyther gape after meate, nor long for the cuppe, a great while after.
The men in valure not yeelding to Scithia, the women in courage
passing the Amazons. The exercise of both was shootyng and
darting,
running and wrestling, and trying such maisteries, as eyther consisted
in swiftnesse of feete, agilitie of body, strength of armes, or
Martiall
discipline. But the exercise that is nowe among vs, is banqueting,
playing,
pipyng, and dauncing, and all suche delightes as may win vs to
pleasure,
or rocke vs a sleepe.
Oh what a
woonderfull
chaunge is this? Our wreastling at armes, is turned to wallowyng in
Ladies
laps, our courage to cowardice, our running to ryot, our Bowes into
Bolles,
and our Dartes to Dishes. We haue robbed Greece of Gluttonie, Italy
of wantonnesse, Spaine of pride, Fraunce of deceite,
and Dutchland of quaffing. Compare London to Rome,
and England to Italy, you shall finde the Theaters of
the one,
the abuses of the other, to be rife among vs. Experto crede, I
haue
seene somewhat, and therefore I thinke may say the more. In Rome
when Plaies or Pageants are showne: Ouid chargeth his Pilgrims
to
crepe close to the Saintes, whom they serue, and shew their double
diligence
to lifte the Gentlewomens roabes from the grounde, for soyling in the
duste;
to sweepe Moates from their Kirtles, to keepe their fingers in vre; to
lay their hands at their backes for an easie stay; to look vppon those,
whome they beholde; too prayse that, whiche they commende; too lyke
euerye
thing that pleaseth them; to presente them Pomegranates, to picke as
they
syt; and when all is done, to waite on them mannerly to their houses.
In
our assemblies at playes in London, you shall see suche
heauing,
and shoouing, suche ytching and shouldring, too sitte by women; Suche
care
for their garments, that they bee not trode on: Such eyes to their
lappes,
that no chippes light in them: Such pillowes to ther backes, that they
take no hurte: Such masking in their eares, I knowe not what: Such
giuing
the Pippins to passe the time: Suche playing at foot Saunt without
Cardes:
Such ticking, such toying, such smiling, such winking, and such manning
them home, when the sportes are ended, that it is a right Comedie, to
marke
their behauiour, to watche their conceites, as the Catte for the Mouse,
and as good as a course at the game it selfe, to dogge them a little,
or
followe aloofe by the print of their feete, and so discouer by slotte
where
the Deare taketh soyle. If this were as well noted, as ill seene: or as
openly punished, as secretly practiced: I haue no doubte but the cause
would be feared to dry vp the effect, and these prettie Rabbets very
cunningly
ferretted from their borrowes. For they that lack Customers al the
weeke,
either because their haunte in vnknowen, or the Constables and Officers
of their Parishe, watch them so narrowly, that they dare not queatche;
To celebrate the Sabboth, flock to Theaters, and there keepe a generall
Market of Bawdrie: Not that any filthynesse in deede, is committed
within
the compasse of that grounde, as was doone in Rome, but that
euery
wanton and his Parmour, euery man and his Mistresse, euery John and his
Joan, euery knaue and his queane, are there first acquainted and
cheapen
the Merchandise in that place, which they pay for elsewhere as they can
agree. These wormes when they dare not nestle in the Pescod at home,
finde
refuge abrode and are hidde in the eares of other mens Corne. Euery
Vawter
in one blinde Tauerne or other, is Tenant at will, to which shee
tolleth
reforme, and playes the stale to vtter their victuall, and helpe them
to
emptie their mustie caskes. There is she so intreated with wordes, and
receiued with curtesie, that euery back roome in the house is at her
commaundement.
Some that haue neither land to maintaine them, nor good occupation to
get
their breade, desirous to strowt it with the beste, yet disdayning too
liue by the seate of their browes, haue found out this cast of
Ledgerdemayne,
to play fast and loose among their neighbours. If any parte of Musick
haue
suffred shipwrack, and ariued by fortune at their fingers endes, with
shew
of gentilitie they take vp faire houses, receiue lusty lasses at a
price
for boorders, an pipe from morning to euening for wood and coale. By
the
brothers, cosens, vncles, great grandsires and such like acquaintaunce
of their ghestes, they drink of the best, they sit rent free, they haue
their owne Table spreade to their handes, without wearing the strings
of
their pursse, or any thing else, but housholde and honestie. When
resorte
so increaseth that they growe in suspition, and the pottes which are
sent
so often too the Tauerne, gette such a knock before they come home,
that
they returne their Mayster a crack to his credite: Though hee bee
called
in question of his life, hee hath shiftes inoughe to auoyde the blanke.
If their houses bee searched, some instrumente of Musick is layde in
sighte
to dazell the eyes of euery Officer, and all that are lodged in the
house
by night, or frequente it by day, come thither as pupilles to be well
schoolde.
Other ther are which beeing so knowen that they are the bywoorde of
euery
mans mouth, and pointed at commonly as they passe the streetes, either
couch them selues in Allyes, or blind Lanes, or take sanctuary in
fryeries,
or liue a mile from the Cittie like Venus nunnes in a Cloyster as Newington,
Ratliffe, Islington, Hogsdon or some such
place, where like
penitents,
they deny the worlde, and spende theyr dayes in double deuotion. And
when
they are weery of contemplation to comfort themselues, and renew their
acquaintaunce, they visit Theaters, where they make full account of a
pray
before they departe. Solon made no lawe for Parricides, because
he feared that hee shoulde rather put men in minde to commit such
offences,
then by any straunge, punishment, giue them a bitte to keepe them
vnder.
And I intend not to shewe you al that I see, nor halfe that I heare of
these abuses, lest you iudge me more wilfull to teach them, then
willing
to forbid them.
I looke
still
when Players shoulde cast me their Gauntlets, and challenge a combate
for
entring so far into their possessions, as though I made them Lords of
this
misrule, or the very scholmaisters of these abuses: though the best
Clarkes
bee of that opinion, they heare not me say so. There are more houses
then
Parishe Churches, more maydes the Maulkin, more wayes to the woode then
one, and more causes in nature then Efficients. The Carpenter rayseth
not
his frame without tooles, nor the Deuill his woork without
instrumentes:
were not Players the meane, to make these assemblyes, such multitudes
wold
hardly be drawne in so narrowe roome. They seek not to hurte, but
desire
to please: they haue purged their Comedyes of wanton speaches, yet the
Corne which they sell, is full of Cockle: and the drinke that they
draw,
ouercharged with dregges. There is more in them then we perceiue, the
Deuill
standes at our elbowe when we see not, speaks when we heare him not,
strikes
when wee feele not, and woundeth sore when he raseth no skinne, nor
rentes
the fleshe. In those thinges, that we least mistrust, the greatest
daunger
dooth often lurke. The Countryeman is more affrayde of the Serpente
that
is hid in the grasse, then the wilde beaste that openly feeds vpon the
mountains: The Marriner is more indaungered by Priuie shelues, then
knowen
Rockes; The Souldier is sooner killed with a little Bullet, then a
longe
Swoorde; There is more perill in close Fistoloes, then outwarde sores;
in secret ambushe, then maine battels; in vndermining, then playne
assaulting;
in ciuill discorde, then forraine warres. Small are the abuses, and
sleight
are the faultes, that nowe in Theaters escape the Poets pen: But tal
Cedars,
from little graynes shoote hight: great Okes, from slender rootes
spread
wide: Large streames, from narrowe springes runne farre: One little
sparke,
fyers a whole Citie: One dramme of Eleborus ransackes euery
vaine:
The Fish Remora hath a small body, and great force too staye
shippes
against winde and tide: Ichneumon a little worme, ouercomes the
Elephant: The Viper flayes the Bul: The Weefell the Cockatrice: And the
weakest Waspe, stingeth the stoutest manne of warre. The height of
Heauen,
is taken by the staffe: The bottome of the Sea, sounded with lead: The
farthest coast, discouered by Compasse: the secretes of nature,
searched
by witte: the Anatomy of man, set out by experience: But the abuses of
plaies cannot be showen, because they passe the degrees of the
instrument,
reach of the Plummet, sight of the minde, and for trial are neuer
brought
to the touchstone. Therefore he that will auoyde the open shame of
pryuy
sinne, the common plague of priuate offences, the greate wracks of
little
Rocks: the sure disease of vncertaine causes: must set hande to the
sterne,
and eye to his steppes, to shunne the occasion as neere as he can:
neither
running to bushes for renting his clothes, nor rent his clothes for
impairing
his thrift, nor walke vpun Yse, for taking a fall, nor take a fall for
brusing him selfe, nor goe too Theaters for beeing allured, nor once
bee
allured for feare of abuse.
Bunducia
a notable woman and a Queene of Englande, that time that Nero
was Emperour of Rome, hauing some of the Romans in
garrison
heere against her, in an Oration which she made to her subiects, seemed
vtterly to contemne their force, and laugh at their folly. For she
accounted
them vnwoorthy the name of men, or title of Souldiers, because they
were
smoothly appareled, soft lodged. daintely feasted, bathed in warme
waters,
rubbed with sweet oyntments, strewd with fine poulders, wine swillers,
singers, Dauncers, and Players. God hath now blessed England
with
a Queene, in vertue
excellent, in power mightie,
in glorye
renowned, in gouernment politike, in possession rich, breaking her foes
with the bent of her brow, ruling her subiects with shaking her hand,
remouing
debate by diligent foresight, filling her chests with the fruites of
peace,
ministring iustice by order of law, reforming abuses with great
regarde:
and bearing her sword so euen, that neither the poore are trod vnder
foote,
nor the rich suffred to loke too hye, nor Rome, nor France,
nor Tyrant, nor Turke, dare for their liues too enter the List. But wee
vnworthy seruants of so mild a Mistresse, vnnatural children of so good
a mother, vnthankful subiects of so louing a prince, wound her royall
hart
with abusing her lenitie, and stir Iupiter to anger to send vs
a
Stroke that shal deuoure vs. How often hath her Maiestie with the graue
aduise of her honorable Councell, sette downe the limits of apparell to
euery degree, and how soone againe hath the pride of our harts
ouerflowen
the chanel? How many times hath accesse to Theaters beene restrayned,
and
how boldly againe haue we re-entred? Ouerlashing in apparel is so
common
a fault, that the very
hyerlings of some of our
Players, which
stand at reuersion of vi.s. by the weeke, iet vnder Gentlemens noses in
sutes of silke, exercising themselues too prating on the stage, and
common
scoffing when they come abrode, where they look askance ouer the
shoulder
at euery man, of whom the sunday before they begged an almes. I speake
not this, as though euerye one that professeth the qualitie so abused
him
selfe, for it is well knowen, that some of them are sober, discreete,
properly
learned honest householders and Citizens well thought on amonge their
neighbours
at home, though the pryde of their shadowes (I meane those hangebyes
whome
they soccour with stipend) cause them to bee somewhat il talked of
abroade.
Some Players
modest, if I bee not deceiued.
Some
Playes tollerable
at some time.
|
And as some of the Players are
farre
from abuse: so some of their Playes are without rebuke: which are as
easily
remembered as quickly reckoned. The twoo prose Bookes plaied at the
Belsauage,
where you shall finde neuer a woorde without wit, neuer a line without
pith, neuer a letter placed in vaine. The Iew and Ptolome,
showne at the Bull, the one representing the greedinesse of worldly
chusers,
and bloody mindes of Usurers: The other very liuely discrybing howe
seditious
estates, with their owne deuises, false friendes, with thir owne
swoordes,
and rebellious commons in their owne snares are ouerthrowne: neither
with
Amorous gesture wounding the eye: nor with slouenly talke hurting the
eares
of the chast hearers. The Blacke Smiths daughter, and Catilins
Conspiracies vsually brought in to Theater: The first contayning
the
trechery of Turkes, the honourable bountye of a noble minde,
and
the shining of vertue in distresse : The last, because it is knowen too
be a Pig of myne owne Sowe, I will speake the lesse of it; onely giuing
you to vnderstand, that the whole marke which I shot at in that woorke,
was too showe the rewarde of traytors in Catilin, and the
necessary
gouernment of learned men, in the person of Cicero, which
forsees
euery danger that is likely to happen, and forstalles it continually
ere
it take effect. Therefore I giue these Playes the commendation, that
Maximus
Tyrius gaue too Homers works:
These
Playes are
good playes and sweete playes, and of al playes the best playes and
most
to be liked, woorthy to be soung of the Muses, or set out with the
cunning
of Roscius himself, yet are they not fit for euery mans dyet:
neither
ought they commonly
Playes
are not to be made common. |
to be shewen. Now if any man
aske me
why my selfe haue penned Comedyes in time paste, and inueigh so egerly
against them here, let him knowe that Semel insaninimus omnes:
I
have sinned, and am sorry for my fault: hee runnes farre that neuer
turnes,
better late than neuer. I gaue my self to that exercise in hope to
thriue
but I burnt one candle to seek another, and lost bothe my time and my
trauell,
when I had doone.
Thus sith I
haue
in my voyage suffred wrack with Vlisses, and wringing-wet
scrambled
with life to the shore, stand from mee Nausicaä with all
thy
traine, till I wipe the blot from my forhead, and with sweet springs
wash
away the salt froath that cleaues too my soule.
Meane time
if
Players bee called to accounte for the abuses that growe by their
assemblyes.
I would not haue them answere, as Pilades did for the Theaters of Rome,
when they were complayned on, and Augustus waxed angry: This
resort O Cæsar is good for thee, for heere we keepe thousandes of
idle heads occupyed, which else peraduenture would brue some
Dion
in vitâ Augusti.
Players
compared to
Lucinius.
|
mischiefe. A fit Cloude
to couer
their abuse, and not vnlike to the starting hole that Lucinius found,
who
like a greedy serueiour, beeing sente into Fraunce to gouerne the
Countrie,
robbed them and spoyled them of al their Treasure with vnreasonable
taskes:
at the last when his crueltie was so loudely cryed out on, that euery
man
hearde it; and all his packing did sauour so strong, that Augustus
smelt it; he brought the good Emperour into his house, flapped him in
the
mouth with a smoth lye, and tolde him that for his sake and the safetie
of Rome, hee gathered those riches, the better to impouerish
the
Countrie for rysing in Armes, and so holde the poore Frenchmennes Noses
to the Grindstone for euer after.
A bad
excuse
is better, they say then none at all. Hee, because the Frenchmen paid
tribute
euery moneth, into xiiii. Moneths deuided the yeere: These because they
are allowed to play euery Sunday, make iiii. or v. Sundayes at least
euery
weeke, and all that is doone is good for Augustus, to busy the
wittes
of his people, for running a woolgathering, and emptie their purses for
thriuing to fast. Though Lucinius had the cast to playster vppe
his credite with the losse of his money: I trust that they which haue
the
swoorde in their hands among vs to pare away this putryfied flesh, are
sharper sighted, and will not so easily be deluded.
Marcus
Aurelius
sayth,
That players falling from
iuste labour
to vniuste idlenesse, doe make more trewandes, and ill husbands, then
if
open Schooles of vnthrifts and Vagabounds were kept. Who soeuer readeth
his Epistle too Lambert the gouernor of Hellespont,
when
Players were banished, shall find more against them in plainer tearmes,
then I will vtter.
This haue I
set
downe of the abuses of Poets, Pypers, and Players which bringe vs too
pleasure,
slouth, sleepe, sinne, and without repentaunce to death and the Deuill:
which I haue not confirmed by authoritie of the Scriptures, because
they
are not able to stand vppe in the sighte of God: and sithens they dare
not abide in the field, where the word of God dooth bidde them
battayle,
but runne to Antiquityes (though nothing be more ancient
Scriptures
to hoate for Players. |
then holy Scripture) I haue
giuen them
a volley of prophane writers to beginne the Skirmishe, and doone my
indeuour
to beate them from their holdes with their owne weapons. The Patient
that
will be cured, of his owne accorde, must seek the meane: if euery man
desire
to saue one, and drawe his owne feete from Theaters, it shall preuayle
as much against these abuses, as Homers Moly against
Witchcraft,
or Plynies Peristerion against the byting of Dogges.
God hath
armed
euery creature agaynst his enemie: the Lyon with pawes, the bul with
hornes,
the Bore with tuskes, the Vulture with tallents, Hartes, Hindes, Hares,
and such like, with swiftnes of feete, because they are fearefull,
euery
one of them putting his gift in practice; But man which is Lord of the
whole earth, for whose seruice herbes, trees, roote, plants, fish,
foule
and beasts of the fielde were first made, is far worse then the brute
beasts:
for they endewed but with sence, doe Appetere salutaria, et
declinare
noxia, seek that which helpes them, and forsake that which hurtes
them.
Man is
enriched
with reason and knowledge: with knowledge, to serue his maker and
gouerne
himselfe; with reason to distinguish good and il, and chose the best,
neither
referring the one to the glory of God, nor vsing the other to his owne
profite. Fire and Ayre mount vpwards, Earth and Water sinke downe,
and
Corpora
naturalia ad locum momentur, et in suis sedibus acquiescunt.
Man
unmindful of his
ende.
Hi.
Animal.
|
euery insensible body else,
neuer rests,
til it bring it self to his owne home. But we which haue both sense,
reason,
wit, and vnderstanding, are euer ouerlashing, passing our boundes,
going
beyonde our limites, neuer keeping our selues within compasse, nor once
looking after the place from whence we came, and whither we muste in
spighte
of our hartes.
Aristotle
thinketh that in greate windes, the Bees carry little stones in their
mouthes
to peyse their bodies, least they be carryed away, or kepte from their
Hiues, vnto which they desire to returne with the fruites of their
labour.
The Crane is said to rest vpon one leg, and holding vp the other, keepe
a Pebble in her clawe, which as sone as the senses are bound by
approche
of sleepe, falles to the ground, and with the noise of the knock
against
the Earth, makes her awake, whereby shee is euer redy to preuent her
enemies.
Geese are foolish birdes, yet when they flye ouer the mount Taurus,
they shew greate wisedome in their own defence: for they stop their
pipes
full of grauel to auoide gagling, and so by silence escape the Eagles.
Woodcocks, though they lack witte to saue them selues, yet they want
not
will to auoyde hurte, when they thrust theyr heads in a Bushe, and
thinke
their bodyes out of daunger. But wee which are so brittle, that we
breake
with euery fillop, so weake, that we are drawne with euery threade; so
light, that wee are blowen away with euery blaste; so vnsteady, that we
slip in euery ground; neither peyse our bodyes against the winde, nor
stand
vppon one legge, for sleeping too muche: nor close vppe our lippes for
betraying our selues, nor vse any witte, to garde our owne persons, nor
shewe our selues willing too shunne our owne harmes, running most
greedily
to those places, where we are soonest ouerthrowne.
I cannot
lyken
our affection better than to an Arrowe, which getting lybertie, with
winges
is carryed beyonde our reach ; kepte in the Quiuer, it is still at
commaundement
: Or to a Dogge, let him slippe, he is straight out of sight, holde him
in the Lease, hee neuer stirres : Or to a Colte, giue him the bridle,
he
flinges aboute ; raine him hard, and you may rule him: Or to a ship,
hoyst
the sayles it runnes on head ; let fall the Ancour, all is well : Or to
Pandoraes boxe, lift vppe the lidde, out flyes the Deuill;
shut
it vp fast, it cannot hurt vs.
Let vs but
shut
vppe our eares to Poets, Pypers and Players, pull our feete back from
resort
to Theaters, and turne away our eyes from beholding of vanitie, the
greatest
storme of abuse will be ouerblowen, and a fayre path troden to
amendment
of life. Were not we so foolish to taste euery drugge, and buy euery
trifle,
Players would shut in their shoppes, and carry their trashe to some
other
Countrie.
Themistocles
in setting a peece of his ground to sale, among all the commodyties
whiche
were reckoned vppe, straightly charged the Cryer to proclaime this,
that
hee which bought it, should haue a good neighbour. If Players can
promise
in woordes, and performe it in deedes, procla[i]me it in their Billes,
and make it good in Theaters ; that there is nothing there noysome too
the body, nor hurtfull to the soule: and that euerye one which comes to
buye their Iestes, shall haue an honest neighbour, tagge and ragge,
cutte
and longe tayle, goe thither and spare not, otherwise I aduise you to
keepe
you thence, my selfe will beginne too leade the daunce.
I make
iuste
reckoning to bee helde for a Stoike, in dealing so hardely with
these people: but all the Keyes hang not at one mans girdle, neither
doe
these open the lockes to all abuses. There are other which haue a share
with them in their Schooles, therefore ought they to daunce the same
Rounde:
and bee partakers together of the same rebuke : Fencers, Dycers,
Dauncers,
Tumble[r]s, Carders, and Bowlers.
Dauncers
and
Tumblers,
Dauncers
and Tumblers.
Dicers
and carders.
Bowling
Alleys.
|
because they are dumbe
Players, and
I haue glaunced at them by the way, shall bee let passe with this
clause,
that they gather no assemblyes, and goe not beyond the precincts whiche
Peter Martyr in his commentaryes vppon the Iudges hath set them
downe:
That is, if they will exercise those qualyties, to doe it priuilye, for
the health and agilitie of the body, referring all to the glorye of God.
Dicers and
Carders
because their abuses are as commonly cryed out on, as vsually shewen,
haue
no neede of a needelesse discourse, for euery manne seeth them, and
they
stinke almoste in euery mans nose. Common Bowling Allyes, are priuy
Mothes,
that eate vppe the credite of many idle Citizens: whose gaynes at home,
are not able to weighe downe theyr losses abroade, whose Shoppes are so
farre from maintaining their play, that their Wiues and Children cry
out
for bread, and go to bedde supperlesse ofte in the yeere.
I would
reade
you a Lecture of these abuses, but my Schoole so increaseth, that I
cannot
touch all, nor stand to amplifie euery poynte: one worde of Fencing,
and
so a Conge to all kinde of Playes. The knowledge in weapons may
bee gathered to be necessary in a common wealth, by the Senators of Rome,
who in time of Catilins conspyracyes, caused Schooles of
Defence to be erected in Capua,
that teaching the people howe to warde, and how to locke, how to
thrust,
and how to strike, they might the more falselye coape with their
enemies.
As the Arte of Logique was first sette downe for a rule, by which wee
might Confirmare nostra, et refutare aliena, confime our owne
reasons,
and confute the allegations of our aduersaryes, the end beeing trueth,
which once fished out by the harde encounter of eithers Argumentes,
like
fyer by the knocking of Flintes togither, both partes shoulde be
satisfyed
and striue no more. And I iudge that the crafte of Defence was firste
deuised
to saue our selues harmelesse, and holde our enemies at aduantage, the
ende beeing right, which once throughly tryed out, at handye stroakes,
neither hee that offered inurie should haue his will, nor hee that was
threatened, take any hurte, but bothe be contented and shake handes.
Those
dayes are now chaunged, the skil of Logicians, is exercysed in
caueling,
the cunning of Fencers applied to quarrelling: they, thinke themselues
no Scholers, if they bee not able to finde out a knotte in euery rushe;
these, no men, if for stirring of a strawe, they prooue not their
valure
vppon some bodyes fleshe. Euery Duns will be a Carper, euery Dick Swash
a common Cutter. But as they bake, many times so they brue: Selfe doe,
selfe haue, they whette their Swoords against themselues, pull the
house
on their owne heds, returne home by weeping Crosse, and fewe of them
come
to an honest ende. For the same water that driues the Mill, decayeth
it.
The woode is eaten by the worme, that breeds within it: The goodnesse
of
a knife cuts the owners finger, The Adders death, is her own broode,
the
Fencers scath, his own knowledg. Whether their harts be hardened, which
vse that exercise, or God giue them ouer I know not well: I haue reade
of none good that practiced it muche. Commodus the Emperour, so
delighted in it, that oftentimes hee slewe one or other at home to
keepe
Commodus
a Fencer and exercised in murder.
Epaminondas
minde on his Buckler.
|
his fingers in ure. And one
day hee
gathered all the sicke, lame, and impotent people of Rome into one
place,
where hee hampred their feete with straunge deuises, gaue them softe
spunges
in their hands, to throw at him for stones, and with a great clubbe
knatched
them all on the hed, as they had been Giauntes. Epaminondas a
famous
Captaine, sore hurte in a battaile, and carryed out of the fielde,
halfe
deade; When tydinges was broughte him that his Souldiers gotte the day,
asked presently, what became of his Buckler : whereby it appeareth,
that
hee loued his weapons, but I finde it not sayd that he was a Fencer.
Therfore
I may liken them which woulde not haue men to war til they are taught
fencinge,
to those superstitious wisemen, whiche would not take vpon them to
burye
the bodyes of their friends, before they had beene cast out vnto wilde
beastes. Fencing is growne to such abuse, that I may wel compare the
Scholers
of this Schoole to them that prouide Staues for their owne shoulders;
that
foster Snakes in their owne bosoms, that trust Wolues, to garde theyr
Sheepe;
And to the men of Hyrcania, that keepe Mastiffes, to woorrye
them
selues. Thoughe I speake this too the shame of common Fencers, I goe
not
aboute the bushe with Souldiers. Homer calleth them the Sonnes
of Iupiter, the Images of GOD, and the very sheepeheards of
the people
: beeing the Sonnes of Iupiter, they are bountifull too the
meeke,
and thunder out plagues
to the proude in heart :
beeing the
images of GOD, they are the Welspringes of Iustice which giueth to
euery
man his owne; beeing accoumpted the shepeheards of the people, they
fight
with the Woolfe for the safetie of their flock and keepe of the enemie
for the wealth of their Countrie. How full are Poets works of Bucklers,
Battails, Lances, Dartes, Bowes, Quiuers, Speares, Iauelins, Swoordes,
slaughters, Runners, Wrestlers, Chariots, Horse, and men at armes? Agamemnon
beyonde the name of a King hath this title, that he was a Souldier. Menelaus,
because he loued his Kercher better then a Burgonet, a softe bed then a
hard fielde, the sounde of Instrumentes then neighing of Steedes, a
fayre
stable then a foule way, is let slippe without prayse. If Lycurgus
before
hee makes lawes too Sparta, take counsel of Apollo,
whether
it were good for him to teach the people thrift and husbandry, he
shalbe
charged to leaue those precepts to the white liuered Hylotes.
The
Spartans are all steele, fashioned out of tougher mettall, free in
minde,
valiaunt in hart, seruile to none, accustoming their flesh to stripes,
their bodyes to labour, their feete to hunting, their handes to
fighting.
In Crete, Scythia, Persia, Thracia, all the Lawes tended to the
maintenance of Martiall discipline. Among the Scythians no man was
permitted
to drink of their festiuall Cuppe, which had not manfully killed an
enemie
in fight. I could wishe it in England, that there were greater
preferment
for the valiant Spartanes, then the sottishe Hylotes : That our
Lawes were directed to rewarding of those, whose liues are the firste,
that must be hazarded to mayntaine the lybertie of the Lawes. The
gentlemen
of Carthage, were not allowed too weare, any moe linkes in
theyr
chaynes, then they had seene battayles. If our Gallantes of Englande
might
carry no more linkes in their Chaynes nor the ringes on their fingers,
then they haue fought feeldes, their necks should not bee very often
wreathed
in Golde, nor their handes embrodered with pretious stones. If none but
they might be suffered to drinke out of plate, that haue in skirmish
slain
one of her maiesties enemyes, many thousands shoude bring earthen pots
to the table. Let vs learne by other mens harmes too looke to our
selues,
When the Egyptians were most busy in their husbandry, the Scythians
ouerran them: When the Assyrians were looking to their thrift,
the Persians
wer in armes and ouercam them: when the Troians thoughte
themselues
safest, the Greekes were neerest : when Rome was a
sleepe,
the French men gaue a sharp assaulte too the Capitoll: when the
Iewes were idle, their walles were rased, and the Romans
entred: when the Chaldees were sporting, Babylon was
sacked:
when the senators were quiet, no garisons in Italy, and Pompey
from home, wicked Catiline began his mischeuous enterprise. We
are
like those vnthankfull people, which puffed vp with prosperity forget
the
good turnes they receiued in aduersitie. The patient feeds his
Phisition
with gold in time of sicknesse, and when he is wel, scarcely affoords
him
a cup of water. Some there are that make gods of soldiers in open
warrs,
and trusse them vp like dogs in time of peace. Take heed of the
foxefurd
nightcap, I meene those schoolemen, that cry out vpon Mars calling him
the bloody God, the angry God, the furious god, the mad God,
the tearethirsty God. These are but castes of their office and
wordes
of course. That is a vain brag and a false alarme, that Tullie giues to
soldiers.
Cedant
arma togæ concedat laurea linguæ
Let gunns
to
gouns, and bucklers yeeld to bookes.
If the
enemy beseege
vs, cut off our victuals, preuent forrain aide, girt in the city, and
bring
the Ramme to ye walles, it is not Ciceroes tongue
that
can peerce their armour to wound the body, nor Archimedes
prickes,
and lines, and circles, and triangles, and Rhombus, and
rifferaffe,
that hath any force to driue them backe. Whilst the one chats, his
throate
is cut; whilest the other syttes drawing the Mathematicall fictions,
the
enemie standes with a sworde at his breast. He that talketh much, and
doeth
little, is like vnto him that failes with a side winde, and is borne
with
the tide to a wrong shore. If they meane to doe any good indeed, bid
them
follow Demosthenes, and ioyne with Phocion when they
haue
giuen vs good counsell in wordes, make much of Souldiers, that are redy
to execute ye same with swords. Bee not carelesse, Plough
with
weapons by your sides, studye with a booke in one hande, a darte in the
other: enioy peace, with provision for war: when you haue lefte the
sandes
behinde you, looke wel to the rocks that lye before you : Let not the
ouercomming
one Tempest make you secure, but haue an eye to the cloude that comes
from
the South, and threateneth raine; the least ouersight in dangerous Seas
may cast you awaye, the least discontinuance of Martiall exercise giue
you the foyle. When Achilles loytered in his tent, giuing eare
to
Musick, his souldiers were bidde to a hot breakefast. Hannibals
power receiued more hurte in one dayes ease at Capua, then in
al
the conflicts they had at Cannas. It were not good for vs too
flatter
oure selues with these golden dayes : highe floodes haue lowe Ebbes :
hotte
Feuers, coulde Crampes : Long dayes short nightes; Drie Summers moyst
Winters:
There was neuer fort so strong, but it might be battered, neuer ground
so fruitful, but it might be barren : neuer countrie so populous, but
it
might be wast : neuer Monarch so mighty, but he might be weakened:
neuer
Realme so large, but it might be lessened: neuer kingdom so
flourishing,
but it might bee decayed. Scipio before hee leuied his force
too
the walles of Car[t]hage, gaue his souldiers the print of the
Citie
in a cake to be deuoured: our enimies with Scipio, haue already
eaten vs with bread, and licked vp our blood in a cup of wine. They do
but tarry the tide : watch opportunitie, and wayte for the reckoning,
that
with the shot of our liues, shoulde paye for all. But that GOD that
neither
slumbreth nor sleepeth, for the loue of Israel, that stretcheth
out his armes from morning to euening to couer his children, (as the
Hen
doth her chicken with the shadow of her wings) with the breath of his
mouth
shall ouerthrow them, with their own snares shall ouertake them, and
hang
them vp by the haire of their owne deuises. Notwithstanding it
behooueth
vs in the meane season, not to stick in the myre, and gape for succour,
without vsing some ordinary way our selues : or to lye wallowing like
Lubbers
in the Ship of the common wealth,
crying Lord, Lord, when wee
see the
vessel toyle, but iontly laye our handes and heades and helpes
together,
to auoyd the danger, and saue that, which must be the suretie of vs
all.
For as to the body, there are many members, seruing to seuerall vses,
the
eye to see, the eare to heare, the nose to smell, the tongue to taste,
the hande to touch, the feete to beare the whole burden of the rest,
and
euery one dischargeth his duetie without grudging ; so shoulde the
whole
body of the common wealth consist of fellow laborers, all generally
seruing
one head, and particularly following their trade, without repining.
From
the head to the foote, from the top to the toe, there should nothing be
vaine, no body idle. Iupiter himself shall stand for example,
who
is euer in woork, still moouing and turning about the heauens, if he
shuld
pull his hand from the frame, it were impossible for the world to
indure.
All would be day, or al night ; All spring or all Autume; all Summer,
or
all winter ; All heate or all colde ; all moysture, or al drought ; No
time to til, no time to sow, no time to plant, no time to reape, the
earth
barren, the riuers stopt, the Seas stayde, the seasons chaunged, and
the
whole course of nature ouerthrowen. The meane must labor to serue the
mightie,
the mightie must studye to defende the meane. The subiects must sweat
in
obedience to their Prince ; the Prince must haue a care ouer his poore
vassals. If it be the dutie of euery man in a common wealth, one way or
other to bestirre his stumpes, I cannot but blame those lither
contemplators
very much,
which sit concluding of
Sillogismes
in a corner, which in a close study in the Vniuersity, coope themselues
vp fortie yeres togither studying all thinges, and professe nothing.
The
Bell is knowen by his sounde, the byrde by her voyce, the Lyon by his
rore,
the Tree by the fruite, a man by his woorkes. To continue so long
without
moouing, to reade so much without teaching, what differeth it from a
dumbe
Picture, or a deade body? No man is born to seeke priuate profite :
parte
for his countrie, parte for his friendes, parte for himselfe. The foole
that comes into a fayre Garden, likes the beawtie of flowers, and
stickes
them in his Cap: the Phisition considereth their nature, and puttes
them
in the potte: in the one they wither without profite ; in the other
they
serue to the health of the bodie : He that readeth good writers, and
pickes
out their flowers for his owne nose, is lyke a foole ; hee that
preferreth
their vertue before their sweet smel is a good Phisition. When Anacharsis
traueled ouer all Greece, to seeke out wise men, hee founde
none
in Athens, though no doubt, there were many good scholers
there.
But comming to Chenas a blind village, in comparison of Athens
a Paltockes Inne; he found one Miso,
well gouerning his house,
looking to
his grounde, instructing his children, teaching his family, making of
marriages
among his acquayntance, exhorting his neighbours to loue, and
friendeship,
and preaching in life, whom, the Philosopher for his scarcitie of
woordes,
plenty of workes, accompted the onelye wise man that euer he saw. I
speak
not this to prefer Botley before Oxeford, a cottage of
clownes,
before a Colledge of Muses; Pans pipe, before Apollos
harp.
But to shew you that poore Miso can reade you such a lecture of
Philosophie, as Aristotle neuer dreamed on. You must not thrust
your heades in a tubbe, and say, Benè vixit, qui benè
latuit: He hath liued well, that hath loitred well : standing
streames
geather filth ; flowing riuers, are euer sweet. Come foorth with your
sic[k]les,
the Haruest is greate, the laborers few; pul vp the sluces, let out
your
springs, geue vs drink of your water, light of your torches, and season
us a little with the Salt of your knowledge. Let Phoenix and
Achilles, Demosthenes and Phocion, Pericles and Cimon,
Lælius
and Scipio, Nigidius and Cicero, the word and the sword
be
knit togither. Set your talents a worke, lay not vp your tresure for
taking
rust, teach earely and late, in time and out of time, sing with the
swan,
to the last houre. Folowe the dauncing Chaplens of Gradiuus
Mars,
which chaunt the praises of their god with voyces, and treade out the
time
with their feete. Play the good captaines, exhort your souldiers with
your
tonges to fight, and bring the first ladder to the wall your selues.
Sound
like bels, and shine like Lanternes. Thunder in words, and glister in
works
; so shall you please God, profite your country, honor your prince,
discharge
your duetie, giue vp a good account of your stewardship, and leaue no
sinne
vntouched, no abuse vnrebuked, no fault vnpunished.
Sundry are
the
abuses aswel of Vniuersityes[,] as of other places, but they are such
as
neither become me to touch, nor euery idle hed to vnderstand. The Thurines
made a Lawe that no common finde-fault should meddle with any abuse but
Adulterie.
of
Pithagoras. |
Pythagoras bounde all
his Schollers
to fiue yeeres silence, that assonne as euer they crept from the shel,
they might not aspire to the house top. It is not good for euery man to
trauell to Corinth, nor lawfull for all to talke what they liste, or
write
what they please, least their tongues run before their wites, or their
pennes make hauock of their Paper. And so wading too farre in other
mens
manners, whilst they fill their Bookes with other mens faultes, they
make
their volumes no better than an Apothecaries Shop, of pestilent
Drugges;
a quack-saluers Budget of filthy receites; and a huge Chaos of
foule
disorder. Cookes did neuer long more for great markets, nor Fishers for
large Pondes, nor greedy Dogges for store of game, nor soaring hawkes
for
plentie of fowle, then Carpers doe for copye of abuses, that they might
euer be snarling, and haue some Flyes or other in the way to snatch at.
As I woulde that offences should not be hid, for going vnpinished, nor
escape without scourge for ill example. So I wish that euery rebuker
shoulde
place a hatch before the doore ; keep his quil within compas. He that
holds
not him self contented with the light of the Sun but liftes vp his eyes
to measure the bignesse, is made blinde; he that bites euery weed to
search
out his nature, may light vpon poyson, and so kill himselfe: he that
loues
to be sifting of euery cloude, may be strooke with a thunderbolte, if
it
chaunce to rent; and he that taketh vpon him to shew men their faults,
may wound his owne credite, if he goe too farre. We are not angry with
the Clarke of the market, if he come to our stall, and reprooue our
ballance
when they are faultie, or forfaite our weights, when they are false:
neuerthelesse,
if he presume to enter our house, and rig euery corner, searching more
then belongs to his office : we lay holde on his locks, turne him away
with his backe full of stripes, and his hands loden with his owne
amendes.
Therefore I will content my selfe to shew you no more abuses in my
Schoole,
then my selfe haue seene, nor so many by hundreds, as I haue heard off.
Lyons folde vp their nailes, when they are in their dennes for wearing
them in the earth and neede not: Eagles draw in their tallants as they
sit in their nestes, for blunting them there amonge there drosse: And I
will caste Ancor in these abuses, rest my Barke in the simple roade,
for
grating my wits vpon needelesse shelues. And because I accuse other for
treading awry, which since I was borne neuer went right ; because I
finde
so many faultes abroade[,] which haue at home more spots in my body
then
the Leopard, more staines on my coat then the wicked Nessus ;
more
holes in my life the on the open siue ; more sinnes in my soule than
heares
on my hed : If I haue beene tedious in my Lecuture, or your selues be
weary
of you lesson, harken no longer for the Clock, shut vp the Schoole, and
get you home.
F I N I S.
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